I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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