I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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