That's intense
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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