I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
