I didn't shave. On purpose
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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