maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Panties = found
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize