She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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