I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
