okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
