I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
