i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
