I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
