your thong is hanging out like whoa
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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