peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
