From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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