So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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