Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
