He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
