she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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