break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
