Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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