Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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