im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
