I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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