I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
either way he was missing a nipple.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
