I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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