you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
