She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
