i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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