my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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