Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
