You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
