I heard we made out
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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