Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
