dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
