you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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