apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
