I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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