So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
