Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I love you. Go after that dick
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize