does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
