So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
