it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
