Me too!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
