its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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