Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
