Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i dont even know how to be here
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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