and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
should my penis look like a turkey
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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