No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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