She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
