Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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