Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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