It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
