You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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