I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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