I'm jealous of your bromance
honey bunches of taint.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
