No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
