he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
