i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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