Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sarcasm needs its own font
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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