I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
