ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
