my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
