I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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