What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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