Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
