Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm always down for nudity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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