Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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