why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
