if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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