I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
