im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
