its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
